omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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