I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this will be a night to untag.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
