I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize