Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
