I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
