By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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