God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
