i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
