and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
