I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
