This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't deserve a penis
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
