ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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