I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
