I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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