We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
