If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
