Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
