I am puke
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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