i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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