there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
