I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
