how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
