i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize