she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
