Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
