I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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