i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
