my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
