did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
