Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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