Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
