Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
