Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
