His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
