This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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