If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
why do cheetos always look like penises
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
