Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
