Can i not drive my cunt home
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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