Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
