fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just google imaged poop.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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