i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
