How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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