Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
