I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
