bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
