You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
