Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
