omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
