all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
