we're chasing vodka with high fives
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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