Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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