you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
