the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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