we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
