Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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