I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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