so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
