that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
