1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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