i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Houston, we have a squirter
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
