Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize