Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
