we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
