thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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