I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
