Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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