Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
