Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
