I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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