I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize