hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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