Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
