how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
