I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
