just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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