i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
