Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
