What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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