I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
