i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Randomize
