Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
