Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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