he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
