I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize