I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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