I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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