I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
