You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
