your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
