I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize