Three words: puerto rican gang bang
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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