you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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