Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
