Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
