last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
