with your own penis?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
