I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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