Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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