She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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